That Is Bully!

Caron Butler and Jarvis Hayes

2005-12-23T10:09:00.000-05:00

We support Head Coach Eddie Jordan's decision to insert Caron Butler into the starting lineup. This spreads the floor and comes closest to mimicking the 2005 Larry Hughes-like Wizards.

Query re Jarvis Hayes: Bro broke his knee. Again. Without bumping it. This means, we think, his knee broke just from running and jumping. Durability is by far the least talked about important component of the success in the NBA.

Pacific Preview -- The Clippers

2005-10-26T23:34:00.000-04:00

The Clippers. The braintrust -- Donald "I Love Strippers Too" Sterling and Elgin "Nobody's Ever Accused Me Of Being Executive Of The Year" Baylor. Always fun to check in with the second worst franchise in the history of professional sports (the Philadelphia Phillies, of course, being the worst).

The Big Stories
The most pressing question each year for the Clippers is how they will actually perform worse than you think? Injuries usually will do this for any team. By adding Sam Cassell to the mix, the Clippers have definitely positioned themselves very nicely. Good work.

Key Additions
G-Sam Cassell
G-Cuttino Mobley
F-Wall-tuh McCarty
G-Rodney "Gun Charges" White

Key Subtractions
F-Bobby "I Was Discovered By Michael Jordan" Simmons
G-Rick "Cherry Hill" Brunson
G-Marko Jaric
C-Mikki "Not Mouse But" Moore

Starting Five
1-Sam Cassell
2-Cuttino Mobley
3-Corey Maggette
4-Elton Brand
5-Chris "White Men Can't Jump" Kaman

The Bench
G-Shaun "Fats" Livingston
G-Wall-tuh McCarty
F-Chris Wilcox
G-Rodney White

Comments
Whassup here? Two years after committing to Maggette, he is now on the outs. Livingston, at one time the next great point guard, appears to be taking a liking to the Clippers curse. Importing the elderly Sam Cassell; paying Mobley $9M per year; and little bench bolstering. Business as usual for the Clippers.

Questions
How long before Maggette gets moved? Head Coach Mike Dunleavy has taken to calling Maggette not smart. What's up with the Shaun Livingston, the man of the future?

Pacific Preview -- We're Moving To Vegas Baby!

2005-10-26T22:33:00.000-04:00

Sacramento Kings. 2005 was the big transition, the Kings moving conceptually from a two-knee-d-Chris-Webber (conceptually that is) to a one-knee-d-C-Webb. Luckily for Sac-Town there are very stupid GMs like Billy King and Rob Babcock. Billy King graciously took the severely damaged and overpaid C-Webb off of Sac-Town in exchange for three solid role players, Kenny Thomas, Brian Skinner, and the admittedly aging Corliss Williamson.

The Big Stories
The Webberless Kings move forward with a big offseason. They landed two starters, Shareef "I Failed The Physical" Abdur-Rahim and Bonzi "There Is No I Team But There Is An M & E" Wells to go along with last season's Sixer additions. A whole new team.

Key Additions
F-Shareef Abdur-Rahim
G-Bonzi Wells
G-Jason Hart

Key Subtractions
G-Bobby Jackson
C-Greg "Kidney" Ostertag
G-Cuttino Mobley
F-Darius Songaila

Starting Five
1-Mike "Big Shot" Bibby
2-Bonzi "It's All About Me" Wells
3-Peja "You Didn't Think Eastern Europeans Could Be Egomaniacs" Stojakovic
4-Shareef Abdur-Rahim
5-Brad Miller

The Bench
The Players Formerly Known As Sixers -- Thomas, Williamson and Skinner, all part of Billy King's undersized big men strategy. All are 4's and all are very well paid.

Comments
The team will be forever limited by Peja. A great jump shooter v. bad teams or good teams that are too consumed with their jetlag and/or bong hit-related hangovers. Peja is a bad defenseman and Peja flunks the playoffs each May. Plus now the Kings will be additionally limited by Shareef's bad knees -- bro FAILED his Nets physical. How does this happen? Obviously, the whole world knows 'Reef's got knee troubles, but they obviously must be worse than everyone thought. Heck, the Nets moved forward with Marc Jackson in 'Reef's stead. And we really do not need to get into Bonzi. A guy who has played himself expeditiously out of two mediocre franchises, Portland and Memphis.

Questions
Who goes down for the year first? Bibby, Brad Miller, Peja, or 'Reef? Is all this commissioning of perpetually broken bodies just a ruse for the Maloofs to move the team to Vegas?

Pacific Preview -- Los Angeles

2005-10-26T02:56:00.000-04:00

Los Angeles Lakers. Coming off the worst thing ever. 2005.

Let's be clear re the title of this piece. There is one basketball team in Los Angeles. The Clippers are merely the Philadelphia Phantoms (FN1) of the Staples Center.

We are still churning through the mathematics re Kobe cheating (or worse) on his wife. NBA player or not, seems like Vanessa is worthy of a major pre-vent defense regime on the Kobester's part. Like, we would travel with her, hook up video conference links if we couldn't travel with her, it would all be quite complex. Telephony would be involved. So would SBC.

The Big Stories
Phil's back. No rape charges. What more could a Laker fan need?

Key Additions
Kwame "I Am Fighting Michael Olowokandi Out For The Mantle Of Worst Number One Pick In The Last Ten Years" Brown.

Aaron "Blue" McKie

Key Subtractions
Caron Butler
Chucky Atkins
Brian "In A Former Life I Composed And Performed The Hit Electric Avenue" Grant
Vlade, but he doesn't really count.

Starting Five
1-Aaron McKie
2-Kobe Bryant
3-Lamar Odom
4-Kwame Brown
5-Chris Mihm

The Bench
G-Devean "The Fifth Beatle" George
G-Luke Walton
C-Slava Medvedenko
F-Brian Cook

Comments
Before anybody starts doubting the Lakers, let's be clear, their Head Coach is Phil Jackson, arguably the best coach EVER. Their superstar is Kobe Bryant, a talent that singlehandedly can guide any team to the playoffs. This team should be fine. They are weak in the bench department, but expect Phil to get the most out of newcomer Kwame Brown and the quite legitimate Lamar "Arms" Odom.

The Triangle is really quite complicated. Complexity and Kwame Brown do not go together. Hopefully for the Lakers sake, Phil can dummy down the triangle for Kwame. We suggest explaining it in terms of video games. Also, whilst explaining the same, the Zenmeister might serve himself well by bringing Kraft French Dressing to the teaching session. Kwame likes that.

Questions
Kwame?

__________________________________
FN1: In Philadelphs the Flyers are a huge draw. Everyone there loves hockey. One of NASCAR of the North's biggest cities, which is what we call the National Hockey League. Anyway, since it costs like $75 bucks for a really bad seat, those that are not good enough to go to Flyers games, go to Phantoms games. Same with the Clippers (FN2) those that are not good enough to go to Laker games see the Clippers.

FN2: Ed. note -- Were we living in LA, we would go to every single Clippers game. For road games, we would Tivo the games and watch every minute of every road game that way. So, no offense to the Clippers fans here (FN3).

FN3: Here constitutes two readers, who also are our top advisors, Jake and Eric. Neither of whom are Clippers fans.

Pacific Preview -- Phoenix Suns

2005-10-26T00:47:00.000-04:00

Phoenix Suns. Finished second in the West, winning 62 regular season games.

The Big Stories
Having enjoyed microfracture surgery, Amare is pretty much effed for this season, and maybe forever. Stupidly, the Suns re-upped with the youngster before his knee surgery. We need to check for Marc Bartelstein's fingerprints on this one.

We're not sure with last year's achievement, why Phoenix prosecuted a strategy that included not bringing back both Joe Johnson and Mr. Brandy, Quentin Richardson. OK, Johnson received stupid money, but Q. Bro can shoot. With the up tempo Nash-led offense, Q's long range abilities were exceedingly important.

Key Additions
C-Kurt "Six-Nine-And-Old-Center" Thomas
G-Raja "Decanted in Larry Brown's Beaker" Bell
G-Boris "From France" Diaw
G-Eddie House
F-James Jones
F-Brian "Electric Avenue" Grant

Key Subtractions
F-Amare Stoudemire's out until Feb or Mar
C-Steven Hunter
G-Joe "$14M" Johnson
F-Quentin Richardson
F-Walter McCarty

Starting Five
1-Steve Nash
2-Raja Bell
3-Shawn Marrion
4-James Jones
5-Kurt Thomas

The Bench
F-Jimmy Jackson
G-Leandro Barbosa
F-Brian Grant
G-Boris Diaw

Comments
Losing both JJ and Q, the Suns were headed south to begin with. Adding the improbability of Nash repeating his MVP performance of 2005 plus the destruction of Amare's knees, this team is back to being a lower tier playoff team, if that.

Raja Bell will fit nicely into the Joe Johnson slot. Won't be as much of a shooting threat, but not a total fall on your face replacement for JJ.

Questions
You would think the big question is what to do without Amare? Yeah, it is a big question, but it has an easy answer: lose more basketball games.

One wonders why old and short Kurt Thomas is worth Quentin Richardson. True, in his prime Thomas, as a Knick, was a fundamentally sound small big man. He knows how to post, how to play decent defense and to rebound -- for his size. At the end of the day, however, he is still 6-9.

The big question, in our view, is Shawn Marrion's funny looking jump shot. He hikes it from the belt like the guy in seventh grade who just had his Bar Mitzvah. It is a very weird gig.

Photo Credit: Matt York

Northwest Preview -- Utah Jazz

2005-10-25T22:58:00.000-04:00

Utah Jazz. Coming off a season in which they finished thirty games below five hundred, many of us now want to know, what will Jerry Sloan do now?

By the way, are we the only outfit to notice that Head Coach Jerry Sloan never buttons his top button on his dress shirt. It is always open. Normally that happens after some sort of tribulation. Not with Jerry. He starts the game with his top button unbuttoned.

The Big Stories
There are two. Deron Williams, the third overall pick in this year's draft, and Carlos Boozer, the sixty-eight million dollar man as of a season ago.

Key Additions
D-Williams
Greg "I Return Minus One Kidney" Ostertag
Devin "Mr. San Antonio" Brown

Key Subtractions
Raja "Larry Brown Decanted Me From A Beaker" Bell
Raul Lopez

Starting Five
1-Deron Williams
2-Gordan Giricek
3-Andrei "AK-47" Kirilenko
4-Carlos "I Had My Fingers Crossed Right In Front Of Mr. Gund's Face" Boozer
5-The Big Legal Memo, Mehmet Okur

The Bench
F-Matt Harpring
G-Devin Brown
And not much more . . .
G-Milt Palacio
F-Kris Humphries
C-The Other Collins, Jarron, Not Jason

Comments
AK-47 is a For Real NBA star. Bro does everything, most importantly blocking more shots than Yao Ming. If the other pieces do their part, this team will be back in the Playoffs. The other pieces mean, rookie Deron Williams, the bagillionaire Carlos Boozer, and Okur, who is not really a starting NBA Center.

Harpring has been the team's second best player for a couple years. Now, suddenly, he is out of a starting job. We presume he may be properly inserted in GG's slot, but if not, Harpring will be the sixth man until injuries happen.

Questions
Will Boozer play like a forty million dollar player (let alone a seventy million dollar one)?

Will The Big Legal Memorandum move beyond a serviceable role player and convert his person into a starting NBA Center?

The Rookie?

Northwest Preview -- Portland Trail Blazers

2005-10-06T22:25:00.000-04:00

Portland Trail Blazers. Won 27 games in 05. Very bad. An embarrassment.

The Big Stories
Martell "Don't I Kinda Look Like Lebron James" Webster (Picture from ESPN.com).

Portland disbanded after last season, dumping Mighty Mouse, Shareef "Playoffs" Abdur-Rahim and Nick "Defense" Van Excel. Their youth movement involves Sebastian "Shoe Contract" Telfair, high schooler Webster, Zach "My Cousin Gots The Gun" Randolph and Darius "Can We Still Talk About My Upside" Miles. The team will rise and fall with Zach. Two years ago, for some reason, management saw the next Elton Brand in Zach and decided to pay him like Allen Iverson. Not smart. But hey, if this Webster kid is a hit, the Jail Blazers might be ok.

Key Additions
G-Martell Webster
G-Jarrett Jack
G-Juan Dixon
G-Steve Blake

Key Subtractions
G-Nick Van Excel
G-Damon Stoudamire
F-Shareef Abdur-Rahim
G-Derek Anderson

Starting Five
1-Sebastian Telfair
2-Juan Dixon
3-Darius Miles
4-Zach Randolph
5-Joel Pryzbilla

The Bench
G-Martell Webster
C-Theo Ratliff
F-Ruben Patterson
F-Travis Outlaw
G-Steve Blake
G-Jarrett Jack

Comments
Very bad bench. The strangely inseparable Juan Dixon and Steve Blake go west with their big, bad, mediocre selves. Dixon will start unless this Martell Webster kid can make the quick leap. Again, we will be interested to see if Zach R. decides to earn his money. We will also be watching the Shoe Contract to see if he can be an NBA point guard.

Questions
Martell Webster, will he be able to hang? Shoe Contract, is he a big league point guard? Zach R.

Northwest Preview -- Minnesota Timberwolves

2005-10-04T22:26:00.000-04:00

Minnesota Timberwolves. Won 44 games in 05, finishing out of the playoff money in the NW.

The Big Stories
Pictured is Not The Big O. But rather Michael Olowokandi, the worst number one pick in twenty years. Well, at least if you ask Kwame Brown he is.

Anyway.

After the disaster known as 2005, the Wolves are poised for the disaster known as 2006.

Will the Wolves re-emerge as a playoff team?

We have a totally different team with a new Head Coach. Dwane Casey, Nate McMillan's top assistant in Seattle, takes the helm. Gone are two thirds of the big three, in Latrell Sprewell and Sam Cassell.

Key Additions
Marco Jaric. Back-up Point Guard kinda player who will apparently start, but will be unimpressive and lead KG to cry again at the All-Star break when John Thompson interviews him.
Rashad McCants. First round pick from UNC. We are not smart enough to know whether a rookie such as McCants will be an impact player. From a staving off KG crying standpoint, we are rooting for McCants. Not that we give a hoot re McCants, but KG is mighty cool and deserves better than Kevin McHale.

Key Subtractions
Sam Cassell
Latrell Sprewell
Fred "The Mayor" Hoiberg
Ervin Johnson

Starting Five
1-Marco Jaric
2-Trenton Hassell
3-Wally "VD" Szczerbiak
4-Kevin Garnett
5-Michael Olowokandi

The Bench
SG Troy Hudson
SF Eddie Griffin
C Mark Madsen
SG Rashad McCants
SG Richie Frahm
PF Dwayne Jones (undrafted rookie from St. Joseph's)

Comments
With KG the Playoffs are always a possibility, heck if Allen Iverson can get some of those horrific Sixers teams there, certainly KG can. But before we go any further, please remember this is a team run by a very clueless Kevin McHale (FN1). Who in addition to being a very bad GM, emerged last season as an even worse Head Coach. The T-Wolves had one good year, 04, two years ago. Then, Sam Cassell had a breakout All-Star season, and Latrell Sprewell was playing to feed his family. Before 04, the Wolves were a team that could never win a playoff series. With KG, one of the top three players in the league, how is this possible?> Our favorite McHale move was when he flagrantly violated the tampering rules to illegally sign Joe Smith. JOE SMITH??

Anyway. We think this team is totally screwed. They have no Center (have you heard about the two hours long back stretching regimen the Candy Man has to do before each game just to get his back to be eligible to hold up his head).

Questions
The Minnesota Timberwolves? The Center position. The bench.

_______________________________________

FN1 -- Which begs the question, who is the worse former-Celtic GM, Kevin McHale or Danny Ainge?

Northwest Preview -- Denver Nuggets

2005-10-01T19:14:00.000-04:00

Denver Nuggets. Won 49 games in 05, finishing second in the NW.

The Big Stories
This is the year Carmelo "Me And My Friends Are From Baltimore" Anthony has to stand up and be the franchise player. Success will probably hinge on whether Earl Watson can emerge as a legitimate NBA starting point guard.

Key Additions
Earl Watson. Back-up Point Guard from Memphis who probably gets to start.
Julius Hodge. First round pick.

Key Subtractions
No important subtractions.

Starting Five
1-Earl Watson
2-Andre Miller
3-Carmelo Anthony
4-Kenyon Martin
5-Marcus Camby

The Bench
PG Earl Boykins
PF Nene, the athlete formerly known as Nene Hilario
SG Voshon Lenard
SG Greg Buckner
G/F DerMarr Johnson
PF Ed Najera
SG Julius Hodge

Comments
Had exceedingly strong second half in 05, coming on strong following the application of George Karl's grubby little hands. Should be well-positioned for the playoffs in 06, but please remember the Nuggets will always be George Karl-limited. George Karl teams always play like NBA playoff teams, but never win when it counts. The team remains structurally flawed, however, in that they are full of twos (Miller, Lenard, Buckner, Boykins, and now Julius Hodge) and not big enough big-men (Nene, K-Mart, Camby, and Najera). For Carmelo Anthony and Kenyon Martin to be used most effectively, Karl must implement a Point Guard-led offense. It remains to be seen whether Earl Watson is something more than a back-up one. With that said, Denver comes into 06 with a fully stocked bench. Earl "The Little Munchkin" Boykins finished third in the Sixth Man voting in 05. In addition to the little guy, DerMarr Johnson, Voshon Lenard, Nene, Eddy Najera, and Greg Buckner are all players who are experienced minute getters. When Marcus Camby breaks his knees (or back) expect Nene to replace him in the starting five.

Questions
In which game will Marcus Camby go down for the season? Earl Watson?

Northwest Preview -- Seattle SuperSonics

2005-10-01T18:12:00.000-04:00

Seattle SuperSonics. Won 52 games in 05, finishing first in the NW.

The Big Stories
How will they respond to new Head Coach Bob Weiss, and will Ray Allen aka Jesus Shuttlesworth continue to play like a superstar now that he has a new contract?

Key Additions
Mikki Moore. Seven foot back-up Center who may find his way into the starting five.
Rick Brunson. Journeyman back-up Point Guard. Signed to re-stock the bench following the loss of reliable sixth man Antonio Daniels.

Key Subtractions
Antonio Daniels. Sixth man swing man.
Jerome James. Starting Center.

Starting Five
1-Luke Ridnour
2-Ray Allen
3-Rashard Lewis
4-Reggie Evans*
5-Developing Story (see more below)

The Bench
F Vladimir "Grover" Radmanovic
PG Rick Brunson
C Mikki Moore
C/F Danny Fortson
F/G Damien Wilkins
C Vitaly Potapenko
SG Flip Murray
C Project Robert Swift

Comments
Well rounded group. Team rises and falls with Shooting Guard Ray Allen, their best player. Small Forward Rashard Lewis is their second best player. Lewis made the All-Star team last year, and deserved it. Sonics are one of the few teams in the NBA with pure position players at each position. Luke "Do Not Confuse Me With Luke Jackson" Ridnour has matured into a legitimate NBA Point Guard. Seattle has a deep bench with most of the minutes going to "Grover From Sesame Street" Radmanovic, back-up Point Guard, Rick "Cherry Hill Resident" Brunson, Danny "I Am Scheduled To Be Very Fat When I Retire" Fortson and the athletic Damien Wilkins. Flip Murray provides some scoring insurance should Ray Allen suffer an injury. Murray is a scorer, and may find his way into head coach Bob Weiss' rotation as "the guy from the bench who will score."

Questions
How will the team respond to new Head Coach Bob Weiss? Will Project Robert Swift develop into an NBA player? Who in the heck will be their starting Center? Seattle has three back-up Centers, Mikki Moore, Vitaly Potapenko, and Project Robert Swift and two Power Forwards that could see time at the 5 in Nick Collison and Danny Fortson. Since Danny Fortson as starting Center failed in Dallas, we assume Bob Weiss will continue to use Fortson off the bench.

*Evans is a restricted free agent. The thinking is Seattle will retain him.

Picture: He Got Game

Wizard Andray Blatche Shot In Chest And Lives!

2005-09-28T15:02:00.000-04:00

For real. The Wizards' second round pick, 19 year old Andray Blatche, was shot in the chest early Sunday morning in Alexandria, Virginia, near D.C. Link to Washington Post story.

According to the newspaper, Blatche and his pals were traveling home at 6 am on Sunday morning, when the incident occurred.

Holy crap!

We have two questions: 1) What was the little guy doing coming home at 6 am Sunday morning? and 2) Who knew crackhead carjackers were working at 6 am?

There is some good news, however. The Wizards website is reporting that Blatche was released yesterday from the hospital.

Picture from nba.com
Andray Blatche player page.

PS Re J-Ro And Phils Pretty Much Done

2005-09-27T22:20:00.000-04:00

Phillies shortstop Jimmy Rollins extended his hitting streak to 32 games tonight, good for the longest EVER, (good-naturedly banging our fist on the table) EV-VER, in Phillies history. Ed Delahanty held the previous record, 31 games, in 1899.

At least there was something to cheer about. The Phillies dropped their second straight to the not good -- despite their payroll -- New York Mets. When Houston wins tonight, and they will win, as THEY ARE IN A PLAYOFF RACE, the playoff ineligible Phillies will fall 2.5 back in the Wild Card race.

With four games to play, tonight's Phillies loss pretty much eliminates them. Who told you so?

Now, Jimmy Rollins is the only story.

With that said, some Phillies watchers, are interested to see if the Charlie Manuel-led club will out-win Larry Bowa.

Bowa managed the Phillies for four seasons. The team won 86 games three times and 80 games once. At present, the Phils have 84 victories.

Photo: Miles Kennedy/AP

Watcha Talkin' 'Bout Jay?

2005-09-24T20:24:00.000-04:00

Today's New York Post reports that Jason Kidd
thinks the Nets are all set to do some damage in the East in 06.

Translated, Kidd thinks that the power forwardless Nets with RJ and Vinsanity running the wings are all he needs for success.

With all due respect to J-Kidd, truly one of the most bully players in the NBA during the last decade, he seems to forget that Vince Carter HAS NO HEART. He rarely plays all the games on the schedule.

In 99, he did not play 82 games, just 50. In 02, only 60. In O3, just 43. And at the beginning of 05, he told Raptors officials he needed out, he just could not play in Toronto.

You would think with all Vince's "injuries" that he is just not durable. We beg to differ. We think he just does not like to play basketball.

(Fair enough, we do not like to write briefs.)

Picture: From www.basket-plus.com.

Lee Nailon To The Rescue

2005-09-23T19:34:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, the Philadelphia 76ers signed instant journeyman Lee Nailon (FN1) to buttress, what is likely, the very worst bench in the NBA (FN2).

Nailon will join his sixth team in as many seasons -- well on his way to Tony Massenburg status (FN3). He was with the Hornets in 01, 02 and 05, the Knicks in 03, and 04 was split between the Hawks, Magic and Cavs. With the exception of the 02 and 03 Hornets, all of Nailon's teams have been horrendous. Last year's Hornets won 18 games.

At this time, we digress, for it would be negligent for us to fail to point out that Nailon is one of those guys who places multiple wrist bands on his bicep region.

But back to our point.

At present, the Sixers bench is so bad, it would actually be impossible to overstate its badness.

In 05, for a seventh seed, the Sixers bench was not that terrible. Led by veteran sixth man, Aaron "Blue" McKie, and fellow Temple alumnus, Marc "I Use Lots Of Profanity Whilst Playing" Jackson, plus two serviceable, NBA-regulation guards, John Salmons and Willie Green, the Sixers had some capable role players to relieve the starting five. And in Green and Jackson, they also had fairly good fill-in starters when necessary.

Now, saving Salmons, all are gone. McKie was Allan Houston'd. Jackson was given away to the Nets. Check that. Billy King paid Rod Thorn to take Marc Jackson. And Willie "Poor Poor Pitiful Me" Green spectacularly tore up one of his knees and is out for the entire 06 season.

In addition to Nailon and Salmons, the Sixers bench now consists of the following players with NBA experience: Steve Hunter, Kevin Ollie and Michael Bradley.

Bradley played in 18 games last season. He was not injured. He played in two games for our heroes after coming to town in the Webber deal.

How about the rest?

They are: Deng Gai, Louis Williams, and Shavlick Randolph.

Unless Billy King has gone totally nuts, we assume only one of the three will actually make the fifteen man roster.

That leaves more room for the Lee Nailons of the NBA to join the Philadelphia 76ers.

Speaking of which, I wonder what Rod Strickland is up to? Or Kendall Gill? Or how about these guys: Zendon Hamilton, Amal McCaskill, Oliver "Fat" Miller, Olyden
"The Sheriff" Polynice, Charles Oakley, Clarence "The Spoon" Weatherspoon, or Ty "I Would Love To Join Your Team So Long As Charles Oakley Is Not There Too, Unless Of Course You Are Willing To Extinguish My Gambling Debt To Mr. Oakley" Hill.

Has Tony Massenburg been re-signed by the Spurs?

Please advise.

______________________________________________
FN1: Admittedly, we have always had our eyeballs on Nailon, as he always seems light up the Sixers. This first happened one night in 2002, when Baron Davis and Mashburn were out, and then again last season, garnering 23, at the Eff You Center (still have not fully transitioned into using the Wachovia name) under similar circumstances.

FN2: The Sixers' starters are Iverson, Iguodala, Dalembert, Korver and Webber.

FN3: Massenburg has been with 12 organizations (13 cities) in 15 seasons. They are Spurs, Hornets, Celtics, Warriors, Clippers, Raptors, Sixers, Nets, Grizzlies (both Vancouver and Memphis), Rockets, Jazz and Kings. And had we not researched this point, we would have bet twenty bucks he was on the Bulls once.

Picture: Bill Haber/AP

Jimmy Rollins Is Bully!

2005-09-22T17:10:00.000-04:00

Phillies shortstop Jimmy Rollins went two for five this afternoon v. the Braves at Turner Field. Rollins has now hit safely in 27 consecutive games, upping his average to .282, good for third among NL shortstops.

The hitting streak started on Tuesday, August 23d in San Francisco. Entering the game that evening, Rollins was batting .262.

He fields well. Among NL shortstops, Rollins, has the fourth lowest amount of errors (11) and the fifth highest fielding percentage (.981).

And he is durable too, playing in all but four games this season.

Rollins' success this year goes against the "contract year" theory too. Since re-upping with a five year contract extension on June 14th, Rollins has turned it on.

If there is any knock against on him, it is that the Phillies have no business batting him leadoff. He walks infrequently. Only 42 free passes so far this year, making him 57th in NL. Not good for a leadoff man.

(Picture: Tom Hood/AP)

Pennant Races

2005-09-21T14:46:00.000-04:00

Has there been a more exciting end to a MLB season in recent memory? The pennant races, or now with the Wild Card, the playoff races, have produced more ESPNews watching than is ordinary and customary during the September 20s.

The best part of MLB is the playoffs. The second best part is playoff race. Unlike the NBA and NHL, in baseball, making the playoffs is a genuine achievement (FN1).

The Pennant Races

AL East. Yankees v. Red Sox. After all the foibles of the Yankees pitching staff, they seem to have found some W's in Shawn Chacon, Chien-Ming Wang and Aaron Small (who happens to be 9-0). The Sox look to be in trouble. They are in the process of blowing a season-long AL East lead. They have no closer, and perhaps, no dominant starter -- unless of course Schilling comes back to life. Can the Red Sox really achieve success in the playoffs without dominant starters and a reliable closer. No way. Which begs the question, did Theo Epstein really have to let Pedro go? So sad. For them.

AL Central. White Sox v. Indians. Until August, the ChiSox were the holy friggin crap story of the year. Since August, the Indians have become the holy friggin crap story of the year. The Indians, with the fifth lowest payroll ($41M), are the latest example of how a team with a smart GM can outperform one with a rich GM. The A's and the Twins being the best two previous examples of this. Two examples of rich non-playoff teams, are the Phillies and Mets, both which have top five payrolls.

But how about those Indians. To get ready for the playoffs, we suggest you familiarize yourself with the following persons: Travis Hafner, Jhonny (sic) Peralta, Coco Crisp, Grady Sizemore, Scott Elarton, Cliff Lee and Bob Wickman.

AL West. Angels v. Athletics. A's are 2.5 back. The has-money team v. the has-no-money team race. The Angels ($95M) have a top five payroll and the A's ($56M) are $40M less. Now time for the broken record. After losing Tim Hudson and Mark Mulder, how do the A's do it. Answer: Billy Beane is smarter than most GMs (and Joe Morgan too).

NL West. Padres v. Giants. The worst division in baseball, so who knows what can happen here. The Giants are 5 back, but have won 5 in a row. The difference maker, though, is the return of, as Nationals pitcher, John Patterson points out, the Muhammad Ali of baseball, Barry Lamar Bonds. Patterson served as chef tonight to HR 707.

The Wild Card Races

NL. Astros v. Phillies v. Marlins. Unless Houston chokes, which is unlikely with a pitching staff of Roger Clemens, Roy Oswalt and Andy Pettite, the 'Stros strong second half will propel them into the playoffs. Again. Recall they did the same thing last year. If the Phillies need a "how did it happen" refresher, please recall Houston's three game sweep of September 5,6 and 7. Billy Wagner blew two of these games. See, Sept 8th post and Sept 6th post.

AL. The second place finishers from each division will fight until the last day of the season. We have a definite shot at a one game playoff. Given momentum you have to give the odds to a final playoff picture that includes the Yankees and Indians. Our prediction is Yanks win the East, ChiSox the Central, the Angels the West, with the Indians making the Wild Card. We say this because it would be truly remarkable for the ChiSox to blow their once formidable lead.

________________________________
FN1. But see the sadness when your team makes the playoffs and promptly gets gobbled up by a superior team. This happens a lot. Last year's victim was the Los Angeles Dodgers, who were eaten by St. Louis in expeditious fashion.

Picture: Scott Elarton -- AP Photo/Jeff Roberson

He's Got The Money

2005-09-15T03:37:00.000-04:00

Billy King's got the money. One does not need to possess the first name R.C. (as in the Spurs GM) or last name Dumars (Pistons) to know that the salary cap has ushered in a new era of discipline in re NBA player personnel management.

In short, limitless budgets do not equal rings. Or even moderate success.

The best two examples of this proposition are The Philadelphia 76ers and The New York Knicks. This point is perhaps more pertinently illustrated by the Spurs (12th) and Pistons (14th), both of which are no where near the top of the highest salary list. Rather they both remain solidly in the middle of the pack.

The Knicks are first in the NBA in salary (nearing $110 million) and the Sixers are third ($77M). The principal architect of New York's mess is long gone, Scott "Fi-yur Lay-den" Layden. The architect of the Sixers mess remains. And he remains not only employed, but powerful and largely unscathed. (FN1)

Hoops Hype's Billy King page says it the best: Executive of the Year: Never.

Brought to the Sixers in 1997 with Larry Brown, King mercifully permitted the Sixers to move on from the Brad Greenberg era. This was a time when Johnny Davis was the Head Coach. King was universally promoted (by Brown, by the Sixers and by more than some in the press (FN2)) as a wonder-boy/boy-genius, becoming the youngest GM in the NBA. He was 31 then. Until Larry Brown departed for Detroit (Memorial Day 2003) King largely escaped the microscope.

He should not have.

Because the Sixers are owned by the cable giant Comcast, it is in the corporation's best interests to field a great team. Such a team leads to high ratings on Comcast SportsNet and to lucrative advertising rates. The Knicks have the same situation. They are owned by Cablevision.

Evidently Billy King has no limits when it comes to payroll.

Bill Simmons, ESPN's Page Two's Sports Guy, has likened King to a rich, drunk guy with a fistfull of Benjamins in the champagne room at Scores (our paraphrase).

Our friend and top advisor (FN4), Jake, says "he just doesn't seem to have a clue or a plan."

Like usual, Jake is correct. Billy King is a very messed up dude (FN3).

To review.

Head Coach. Make that plural.

After Brown left, King hired Randy Ayres. This period was marked by bad basketball and unruliness. It was reported somewhere (we forget where) that the chicks, you know the hanger-on-ers, the hoochie mamas, were permitted on the team bus (FN5).

In February of last season, Ayres was replaced by Chris Ford. Not cut from the Henry Kissinger mold, Ford's tenure was kicked off by angering Allen Iverson (who happens to be our favorite basketball player) so much that AI decided it was prudent to never again speak to Coach Ford. This was particularly out of character for AI. You see, since AI loves to be loved (as most people do) he can usually be won over by sufficiently buttering him up. Good old fashioned kindness works with AI. Since AI is the team, the buttering up process is fairly worthwhile. At any rate, Ford's reverse Jerry Maguire impression (he had AI pissed off at hello) proved to be the obvious precursor to a new head coach. Enter Jim O'Brien.

O'Brien, a native Philadelphs-ian, a graduate of the illustrious St. Joseph's basketball program (which happens to be good again) a proven NBA winner, was thought to be the long term solution. OB plays a different style ball. He likes to use the Temple, John Chaney-style, half court trap defense. By the way, we would like to deem this the Philadelphia Defense. It is a bit complex when first introduced (so say the writers). It requires a lot of rotations so that there are always two defensive players on the ball handler. This defense proved difficult for many (most notably Sam Dalembert). The Temple alums, Marc Jackson and Aaron McKie, fit right in.

On offense, OB likes the "three ball." So, on both sides of the ball OB had a lot of new things to implement. It was too much for one season. Kenny Thomas was not fitting in right. Neither was Brian Skinner. Both were key pieces (at least looking at their salaries) of Billy King's grand plan (giving Billy the benefit of the doubt in the "he had a plan department"). Since they were not working, King traded them. Just like that.

So much for The Five Year Plan.

Enter Chris Webber. Webber did not work in OB's defense either. He's too slow and cannot rotate properly. After all, he only has one knee left. 2005 was not a successful year. The Sixers barely made the Playoffs. They were quickly shown the door by Detroit.

Next.

So Billy the King fires OB. And hires Mo Cheeks. Cheeks of course is a Sixers legend, having been the point guard of the 1983 World Champions.

All in under two years (Brown quit Memorial Day 2003).

Show Them The Money

Billy King has a tremendously full record of overpaying just about everyone. We will take this from the summer of 2001, the time just after the team made The Finals.

Dikembe "(in a raspy voice) I DO NOT PLAY OFFENSE" Mutombo (July 2001) was re-signed for $65M over 4 yrs. This for a man who may have been 68. After the amazing 2001 season, King, obviously drunk off the excitement signed Deke through his "39th" birthday. Deke claims he was born in June 1966. There are few who believe him, however. The Congo (the nation formerly known as Zaire) does not exactly have a reputable birth certificating process (our term we think). That said, what NBA player deserves big money at ages 36 through 39?

Mutombo was not even all that. Yes, he was a sometimes Defensive Player of the Year. But a closer look at the success of the 2001 Sixers and you will see Deke was not all that key. The Sixers record after acquiring Mutombo was only about .500. Before getting Deke, who was acquired at the 2001 (Feb 22) trade deadline, the Sixers were 41-14. After Deke's arrival, just 27-23 (including the playoffs). As the 41-14 record indicates, with the more athletic, and younger, Theo Ratliff, the Sixers were a tougher team.

What result. Mutombo played one more season in Philadelphs. It was not a great season. Mutombo's nightmare of a contract turned into Keith Van Horn (Aug 2002) who was converted into Glenn Robinson (July 2003), both of whom had similarly nonsensical deals, in terms of both dollars and duration. Van Horn will make $16 million in 2006. The Big Dog made $12 million last season, a season in which he played nine games.

Aaron McKie (July 2001) got SEVEN YEARS AND 42 MILLION. HELLO. Bro is old. He was old in 2001. This contract takes McKie through his 35th birthday. Billy King Newsflash: Guards do not last that long. Hello.

What result. McKie missed most of 2002 and 2003 with injuries. He returned to expert form in 2004, producing great three point numbers. When OB arrived, however, McKie's role slimmed and then just last month King Allan Houston'd him. He was promptly picked up by the Los Angeles Lakers.

Greg Buckner. In July 2002, Billy King snapped up Buckner, and snapped him up for SIX YEARS. Yes, 2008. Bucker, a hardly used back-up in Dallas was given $18 million by Billy King.

What result. Buckner played little in 2003 and 2004. Not jiving with OB's scheme, Buckner was released a year ago and the Sixers' cap still gets dinged by this contract. Expect relief in 2009.

Derrick "I Like To Drink Merlot With Coach Brown" Coleman. After making a couple plays in the Celtics playoff series (2002), DC was rewarded with three more years (through 2006) and $13.5 million. Derrick was born in 1967, making him thirty freaking nine, at the end of this deal. Coo-Coo.

What result. DC performed ok in 2003 but given his age, the Sixers were clearly asking too much from the old man. As in, DC WAS THEIR STARTING FREAKING CENTER. HELLO. DC was traded a year ago to Detroit last summer and never surfaced again. He was recently Allan Houston'd by Detroit.

Kenny "K9" Thomas (July 2003) $40M/7 years. King spent almost every single press availability during the end of the 2003 season discussing Kenny Thomas' importance to the Sixers going forward. Despite having little to no competition for Thomas' services, King doled out $40M, making Thomas a Sixer through 2010.

What result. K9 performed quite well in 2004, serving as one of the few bright spots of the Randy Ayres/Chris Ford debacle. It all changed with OB. Thomas does most of his work around the basket and in the lane. OB wanted the lane cleared for AI's take-offs and landings. K9 strugged and fell out of the long term plan. That quickly. King then moved him in the Webber deal. One of those young for old deals.

Eric Snow. Shortly before the 2004 season, King signed Snow to a $26M extension, locking Snow up through 2009. This was ridiculous for two reasons. One, Snow was not even about to be a free agent and two, there was little to no interest in Snow by any other team.

What result. Snow continued his solid play in 2004. We were grateful for this, given the absence of AI. This changed, however, with the arrival of Jim O'Brien, who wanted to move Iverson to the 1. Consequently, Snow was deemed not-ideal and was moved to Cleveland for Kevin Ollie and Kedrick Brown. Snow played little in Cleveland, as has Ollie in Philadelphs. Kedrick Brown was released after spending almost no time on the Sixers active roster during 2005.

Brian Skinner (July 2004) $25M/5 yrs. During one of the Sixers v. Bucks games last season, Bucks' play by play announcer, Jim Paschke, observed that the Sixers were crazy to give Skinner $25 million and five years. He said that the Bucks' medical staff determined Skinner to have a bad knee. Paschke said the Bucks may not be playing great basketball right now, but they are not stupid. They happily let the Sixers pay Skinner that kind of money.

What result. Skinner played not at all in Jim O'Brien's scheme. He was the third string center (behind Dalembert and Marc Jackson) and was basically getting paid for coming to practice. He was then traded in the Webber trade along with K9 and Corliss Williamson.

The craziness continues. Just this offseason, King has inked Dalembert, Korver and Willie Green to six year deals. All for loads of money.

Sam "I've Got Huge Upside Potential" Dalembert. Just last month signed a six year, $64 million dollar deal.

Kyle "White Out" Korver. Just signed a six year, $25 million dollar gig. KK shoots a mean three ball, but does not play a lick of defense. Could you ever imagine the Bulls paying Steve Kerr that kind of money.

Willie "Poor Poor Pitiful Me" Green. The back-up guard who only receives minutes when Iverson is in street clothes got six years and $20 million (FN5).

Steven Hunter ($16.5M/4 yrs. A guy who gets 10-15 minutes a night.

Our simple conclusion. The Sixers are very messed up. So is Billy King.

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FN1: Note to Sixers fans -- Do not expect Ed Snider (the man in charge of Comcast's Sixers entity) to fire Billy King. He does not do that sort of thing. See Flyers GM Bobby Clarke as evidence of this.

FN2: By the press here we do not mean the basketball press, but rather the non-basketball press, such as, the Philadelphia Daily News gossip columns, the Philadelphia Inquirer's Daily Magazine and Philadelphia Magazine, all of which have fawned over Billy King and his bald head since his arrival. He is always talked about being hip and cool, smoking cigars at cool bars, attending charity balls, hob-nobbing with hot chicks, wearing cool threads, and did we mention cigars. Anyway, all that stuff rocks, ok. Good for Billy. The more poon-tang the better. We approve! What does not rock is the fact that Sixers have the third highest payroll in the NBA but cannot seem to get back to the Eastern Conference Finals. What does not rock is the fact that the Sixers have a new coach every year.

FN3: But cf. Ed Wade, who is a stupidhead.

FN4: Not selling short any of the important contributions of our other top advisor, Eric, an independent force in his own right. A force in fact that would be impossible to overstate.

FN4: We have personally observed this with the Celtics too. Last winter we saw Gary Payton get off of the Celtics team bus with a most lovely hanger-on-er. An official hoochie mama. (It was all good.)

FN5: Green's deal is on hold. In a not smart move, Green wrecked his knee before signing the deal. He will likely miss the whole season. See post of Aug 19.

(Picture: Billy King and Leslie Guidel from 32 degrees, Luxe Lounge website)

Quick Query

2005-09-14T22:53:00.000-04:00

If one's wife buys rhinestone Weezer panties, is this a good thing? Please advise.

(Picture: weezer.com from video of "We're All On Drugs.")

Gen. Honore Is Bully!

2005-09-12T15:12:00.000-04:00

Disasters produce heroes. Goats too, but in lieu of being a sourpuss, we call your attention to a very important person, Lt. Gen. Russel Honore, the man who appears to be in charge of New Orleans right now. Yes, there is the new FEMA guy (Thad Allen) and others, but General Honore, by many accounts is the man.

Like everyone, we sat in a shocked, open-mouthed, paralyzed stupor during the week Katrina wrecked the Big Easy. As the politicians held press conferences and staged "briefings" to look engaged, General Honore was flying around the city in a Blackhawk helicopter and other military vehicles, surveying the scene, saving lives and all in all getting people moving.

He has a very cool Louisiana accent, carries a cigar at all times, and uses the CB radio term "over" when being interviewed to signal to the interviewer that he is done speaking.

As the Mayor blames the Feds, and the Feds blame the Mayor (FN1), and everyone blames FEMA and Mike Brown, Honore was busy saving as much of the city as he could.

As Theodore Roosevelt would surely say about Honore,

That man is bully!
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FN1: We think it is a bit lame for the Feds to blame the Mayor. Certainly things could have been done better on his end (like, getting all the buses in the city, school buses included, to drive around and pick-up residents for the evacuation) but this disaster was a bit over the head of a third rate politician in a disadvantaged city. Beating up Mayor Ray Nagin at this stage of the game is a bit like blaming the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey for the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center.

Calvin Booth Returns To Our Life

2005-09-11T22:24:00.000-04:00

Being from Penn State, we sort of shake our head wow (and mostly . . . whoa) when a Nittany Lion shows up in the NBA. See for example, Calvin Booth. (See also, John Amaechi.) Last week, Booth was signed by Wizards GM Ernie Grunfeld to add some more height to their not-tall bench.

Booth was a redshirt freshman during our Penn State senior year (1995). We watched his goofy ass hover around the PSU BB team in Dockers and plaid button down dress shirts. He was really tall and thin. He walked with a weird, wobbly gate. So wobbly in fact, we wondered how he mustered a scholarship (other than he appears to be eight feet tall). Anyway, as he progressed, and moved on into the NBA, we watched with an open-mouthed "whoa."

Originally a second round pick of the Wizards in 1999, Booth was here in D.C. for two seasons. Since the Wizards were pathetic then, Booth got some minutes and we watched him play. He started sometimes. He worked hard and developed a decent inside presence. His defense is not bad. He usually blocks at least one shot per night (not bad for fifteen minutes a game). He knows how to set a pick and he does other things that do not necessarily show up in the scoresheet. Bulking up a good bit, he evidently worked hard in the weight room and we assume with team nutritionists. After being traded to Dallas, he worked himself into a big contact with Seattle following the 2001 season. So big, in fact, he was just Allan Houston'd by the Milwaukee Bucks (FN1).

Clearly, signing Calvin Booth to big money is not smart. Something Billy King or Mark Cuban might do. Or something Mark Bartelstein might induce. He is not durable (Games played = 51 (2005), 71(2004), 47 (2003), 15 (2002) and 55 (2001)). He is not a numbers getter, averaging 4 points, 3 boards and 14 minutes per game over his career. That said, at a low price (FN2), Calvin Booth is a great pick-up for the Wizards and their very un-Billy King-like, Ernie Grunfeld. By way of example, Billy King signed a similar player, Steven Hunter, to a four year, $16.5 deal, to add height to the Sixers' not-tall bench.

We expect a good year from Booth. If healthy, he will get 10-14 mins a night, block some shots, set some picks, clear some lane-age for Arenas and Jamison and serve as a legitimate tall big man for the Wizards. Their other back-up big men are not tall, Etan Thomas and Michael Ruffin. Both are in the 6-8 to 6-9 region (FN3). Against tall teams last year the Wizards were toast. Booth is not a savior but he will add height, depth, and up to six fouls when needed.

We are glad he is back.

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FN1: He was traded back to Dallas last July in the Danny Fortson deal, and then to Milwaukee at the trading deadline (Feb 2005).

FN2: We know Booth's price is low because it is not printed anywhere. The teams never leak the salary, only the agents. When a salary is not leaked, its lowness speaks for itself. We guess Booth will have an incentive-laden deal coming in at under $1M. Since he is still owed $13M on his original deal, money means little for Booth. Anything he gets is gravy.

FN3: Thomas is listed at 6-10. That must be with the afro, though. We've seen him at his poetry readings and he appears to not be 6-10. Etan Thomas rocks, however. Always plays with lots of energy and effort.

Picture: From the NBA's All-Ugly Team.

PS re Placido Polanco

2005-09-11T22:15:00.000-04:00

Today, our hero, Placido Polanco went 4 for 5, with a homer and two rbi's, raising his average to .348 since arriving in Detroit from Philadelphs. Ed Wade, the Phillies GM, as stated previously, likes David Bell more. Nobody knows why. Today Bell was 1 for 4. He hits .244 and commits lots of errors (3d most errors in NL at present).

(Photo Credit: AP/Duane Burleson)

Postscripts re David Bell and Billy Wagner

2005-09-08T10:30:00.000-04:00

As previously mentioned in this space, the Phillies just had a crucial three game series v. Houston prior to which they held a half game lead in the Wild Card.

After losing Monday and Tuesday, falling one and half games back, last night's game was one of those cliched must wins.

Down 5-3 in the eighth, the Phillies rallied to score three. 6-5 Phillies.

Holy Mother Effer. FOR REAL.

Finally. Right?

Ninth inning baseball.

The loquacious (FN1) all-star closer Billy Wagner takes the mound and promptly retires the first two batters he faces. One out to go. One out from being a half game back and in real contention for the Playoffs.

Playoffs?

Jose Vizcaino the batter. Routine ground ball to third base. Bell gloves and he . . . he MISSES. Error David Bell.

E5.

Bell's 19th error of the campaign. Bell has committed the second most errors among third basemen this year. Only the Diamondbacks' Troy Glaus has more (21). Bell is particularly a bummer since the Phils had a perfectly capable third basemen in Placido Polanco (see post immediately below).

Vizcaino safe at first. Next batter, Willy Taveras reaches base on an infield hit, off of Jimmy Rollins' glove. Then, with two on and two out, Craig Biggio belts his 20th homer of the year.

As Biggio rounds the bases, Wagner contemplates why the fans boo so much.

(AP Photo by Rusty Kennedy)

Astros 8 Phillies 6

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FN1. Wagner, a free agent at year's end, has spent most of the year campaigning through the media for his next contract. Interestingly enough, he has also spent considerable time bashing the Phillies faithful in the media, stating that they are stupid and they boo too much. Wait a second, who's stupid? Probably not the best strategery (as SNL might say) to keep your jersey sales high. That said, I suppose Wagner never went to White House Press Secretary's school of media relations.

Placido Polanco

2005-09-07T16:24:00.000-04:00

We miss ye.

After whining his way through his Phillies tenure, Scott Rolen, was mercifully, for us, traded to the St. Louis Cardinals on July 29, 2002.

A great talent for sure. Especially with his glove. Almost as good as Schmitty (disclosure: Mike Schmidt happens to be our favorite baseball player ever). Larry Bowa said Rolen saved ninety runs a year with his glove.

But bro also carried a long face. All the time. He hated Philadelphs. Hated Manager Larry Bowa.

Anyway.

In the Rolen deal we got Placido Polanco. Who turns out to be a fine fellow.

Polanco, though not an All-Star, is a gamer. Plays second or third base (or outfield or shortstop). Has a good glove. He hits -- having a career batting average near .300 (at .299 right now).

Since Phillies GM Ed Wade is a stupid person, he decided to not proceed with the Polanco-3B strategy. Instead bringing in David "I Am A Very Short Third Baseman And My Back Hurts" Bell. The Bell acquisition caused Polanco to move to 2B temporarily. This because Chase Utley, the everyday 2B of the future was in the wings. With Utley the man this year, Polanco was the odd man out. Consequently he was traded to Detroit.

We miss him. We do not understand why Polanco loses the David Bell v. Placido Polanco contest.

Bell's career avg is .255. Polanco, as mentioned above, hits nearly .300.

Bell's glove is not good. In 2004 he committed 24 errors. And 18 errors thus far in 2005. He has hit double digits in errors six seasons. Polanco in contrast has 42 errors in his career.

Re Slugging. Bell is at .396 for the career. Polanco, .412.

Re On Base %. Bell, .317. Polanco, .345.

Re Spanish. Bell, no. Polanco, yes.

Moreover, Polanco is from the Dominican Republic.

We miss Placido.

Why The Phillies Will Blow It

2005-09-07T02:42:00.000-04:00

As of Monday, the Phillies had a 1/2 game lead over Houston in the Wild Card. Guess who came to town Monday for a three game series? Yep -- Houston. A big series. As of Tuesday, they have lost the first two. Can they hold on?

Probably not. They never do.

The Phillies are losingest team in the history of professional sports. At present, they are 130 games shy of 10,000 losses, which counts for worst pro sports team ever. EV-ER. See this important web contribution.

In addition to losing more than other teams, the Phillies, when they get close, blow it. But see, this one time; 1980.

2004. Fail to hold on to first place in the NL East, which was theirs by three games on July 5.

2003. Up a 1/2 game on the Marlins in the Wild Card on September 19th, the Phillies lose 7 of 8, and not only miss the PLAYOFFS (said with a Jim Mora, Sr. whine) but fall 5 games back to the Marlins. The Marlins go on to win the 2003 World Series.

2001. Nearly going worst to first, the Cinderella Phillies failed to hold off the late charging Atlanta Braves, finishing 2 games back in the NL East.

1993. After rallying in game six v. Toronto, hoping to tie the Series at 3, the John Kruk/Lenny Dykstra-led Phillies blew the World Series by serving up, courtesy Mitch "The Wild Thing" Williams, a series winning walk off grand slam to Joe Carter.

1983. The Phillies blew a one game to love World Series advantage v. Baltimore, losing four straight, including the last three at home.

1978. The Phillies promptly lost the first two games to the Dodgers in the NLCS. AT HOME.

1977. The Phillies blew a one game to none lead v. the Dodgers. Trying to stave off elimination in game four (it was best of five back then) they thought they had the Dodgers. Bottom of the ninth, with two outs to go, up by three runs (5-2), the Phillies permitted the Dodgers to rally and win the game. And the NLCS.

And the Granddaddy of them all, what has been termed the greatest collapse in the history of sports:

1964. With 12 games to play and 6 1/2 game lead, the Phillies blew it, losing ten in a row, the first eight AT HOME, losing the Pennant to St. Louis.

The Phillies have always been losers. Especially early on. The Phillies have lost 100 games during fourteen separate seasons: 1904 (100), 1921 (103), 1923 (104), 1927 (103), 1928 (109), 1930 (102), 1936 (100), 1938 (105), 1939 (106), 1940 (103), 1941 (111), 1942 (109), 1945 (108), and 1961 (107). Five seasons in a row, 1938-42, they lost over 100 games. Painful.

The Phillies have finished in last place more times than any other NL team.

It should not be the case any more, however. Since they got a new stadium, revenues have been high. So have the payrolls.

At present, the Phillies have the fifth highest payroll in baseball at $95 million. Trailing only the California (FN1) Angels ($98M), Mets ($101M), Red Sox ($123M) and the Yanks ($208M). Compare, Braves ($86M), Astros ($77M), White Sox ($75M), Marlins ($60M) and the recently homeless Expos turned crazy-Nats ($49M).

Ed Wade is possibly the worst GM in baseball. The longest tenured GM (other than the Devil Rays' Chuck LaMar) in MLB without a playoff appearance. Eight terrible years.

So with all this money (and time), why can't Ed Wade orchestrate a winner?

The answer: Ed Wade is a stupid head.

Oh no, wait. It is the fans. The fans are the reason. They boo too much.

So my fellow Philadelphs fans. Please do not get your hopes up.

Picture: Rusty Kennedy/AP. Billy Wagner, tonight's losing pitcher, who has been exceedingly critical of the fans and their tendency to boo, expresses frustration after allowing the Astros to score the go-ahead run in the ninth inning tonight. If the Phils are to make it to the Playoffs this year, they will need Wagner to not blow games. Were we at this game, we would boooooooooooooooooooooooo.

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FN1: We refuse to call the Angels the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, a plainly ridiculous name. They do not play in LA. The Dodgers do. We would call them the Anaheim Angels, but they obviously hate that, so we will go back to what they used to be called.

OK Mister Moneybags, What Next?

2005-09-01T22:40:00.000-04:00

New professional sports team owners should not liberate their internet fantasy teams. They should keep them and hire real professionals to run the real teams.

When we moved to D.C. in 1999 we were awestruck by the shenanigans Daniel Snyder was employing with his new toy, the Washington Redskins. Every off season, there is a ridiculous story in the Washington Post about Snyder flying around the country on his Redskins One, gihugic (our word) airplane courting has-been candidates for cap destroying, nonsensical signings. It is hard to come to any conclusion but (and the Redskins W-L record has born this out) Snyder is a too rich, spoiled brat who plans to treat a real life football team as his personal fantasy squad.

Newsflash: it does not work. And Snyder, you are a stupid face.

We initially saw Mark Cuban as somewhat different (despite his ridiculous attire and habit of joining the Mavs' huddle when play stops . . . he really does this). It should be immediately noted that Cuban loves his fans, his players and his city, so we are not really bashing his effort or desire. Any trip to FedEx Field will immediately FedEx you a hatred of Dan Snyder. He is no Mark Cuban.

Anyway.

In the NBA, unlike the NFL, one player can truly transform your franchise into a title contender. Shaq to Miami is the latest example of this. See also Michael Jordan. So when Cuban bought the Mavs during the middle of the 2000 season, it was the beginning of an interesting experiment: can you buy an NBA title.

It turns out, unless you buy Shaq (btw, Miami gives a shout out to Mitch "I Always Look Like I Am Taking A Poop In My Boxer Shorts" Kupchak for giving Shaq up) or Michael Jordan, you probably cannot.

At present, Dallas has the second highest payroll in the league, behind only the Knicks. The Knicks, by the way, are the text book example of Salary Cap Malpractice. With the exception of Dirk Nowitski ($15M) Marquis Daniels ($5M) and Josh Howard (rookie contract) every Maverick is exceedingly overpaid.

The result is a big mess.

As the Michael Finely situation has signaled, what the heck is going on in Dallas? Of all Finley's suitors, only one, Phoenix, was able to offer him a starting role. Essentially Finley joins San Antonio to be their sixth man. To be their new Ginobili -- an off-the-bench scorer. What the heck is Finley doing making $16 to $18M a year over the next three seasons. That is Allen Iverson money. (Disclosure: Allen Iverson happens to be our favorite basketball player.) Finley is a quality player, a two time all-star, a good shooter, but he is not Allen Iverson. He is not a one man team. He is not a five time all-star.

Other features of Dallas salary cap mess:

Keith Van Horn, $15.7M next year. Likely will not start. Or be the Sixth man.

Jerry Stackhouse, $7.5M. Sixth man.

Erick "When Shaq Plays The Worst Game Of His Career, He Says He Plays Like Me" Dampier. Signed through 2011 (not joking) at dollars that raise every year up to $12.2M in 2011. Surely Dampier will be long retired by 2011.

Jason Terry, $7.5M. And he's not even Jerry Stackhouse.

You know if the Spurs people -- real sports professionals -- were running Cuban's shop, Finley would be making Jason Terry money, and Steve Nash would still be a Mav (although signing Nash through 2011 is a huge risk). You also know that Antawn Jamison would never had been brought on as a $10M+ sixth man. Jamison spawned Stackhouse.

Re Defense. You know if the Spurs people were running Cuban's team, they would have found a shot blocking center and either a big 4 to allow Dirk to play the 3, or an athletic defense-first 3 (perhaps a George Lynch), to make the Mavs tougher defensively. Don Nelson never would have been retained. It does not take a Spurs exec to reveal that defense wins in the NBA Playoffs. Accordingly, Don Nelson is not your man. Neither is Donn Nelson. Nor Del Harris.

They also would have drafted. Yes, drafted. Cuban had no first rounders in 2001 or 2002. Finally, in 2003, he got a pick and took Josh Howard, last in the first round. Cuban actually out-drafted San Antonio in '03. The Spurs picked Leandro Barbosa, now a Sun.

The moral of the story is, when you buy a pro sports team, keep your fantasy team on line and hire some people that know what they are doing.

(picture from ABC's The Benefactor)

Green Day Rocks

2005-08-31T12:11:00.000-04:00

I asked you to go to the Green Day concert; you said you never heard of them -- El Scorcho by Weezer.

Apologies in advance for jotting thoughts re music when it should be blatantly acknowledged, if it is not obvious on its face, we could not be more unqualified to do as much.

Anyway.

Although not quite as un-with-it as the the half Japanese girls, the Weezer kids are intrigued by, our musical appetite is in dire need of refueling. Enter the iPod. Originally procured so that all the Grateful Dead's Dick's Picks concert bootlegs could be properly lodged into the wallet-sized device, the iPod is steadily becoming a major life force. And, we are branching out.

Sandwiched between our friends who find Interpol ineligible to be good due to their mainstream nature and those who, perhaps, have not been advised that good music has been released post-1995, we just like to listen to good tunes on headphones so we can tune out the crackheads near the Metro and provide reasonable entertainment whilst trotting The Callie Monster, our furry, four legged friend.

Note re our friends stuck in 1995. These folks pay up the wazoo to see the Rolling Stones every time they come through town to take everyone's money at some horribly appointed monstrosity of a venue with dreadfully awful acoustics.

We don't hit too many concerts. Granted, when you attend seventy five professional sporting events per annum, there is but little space for much else.

That said, about twice a year (although presumably this will be increasing at an increasing rate given the iPod craze) The Pretty Girl, arranges concert-going activities.

In June, we took in the trifecta of Louis XIV, Keane (a Coldplay rip off band) and The Killers at the Merriweather Post Pavilion in Columbia, Maryland, a venue that fraudulently bills itself as a D.C. venue. It was a success. The music was pretty good, the beers were cold, and the grass was comfortable.

No. 2 was last night. Back at Merriweather, we took in Green Day.

Holy Mother Effer, did they rock!

Green Day rocks something fierce.

Today, there is no hearing in our left ear. Whether this the result of repeated head thumping or just really loud music, we don't know.

After Jimmy Eat World got us charged up, Billie Joe Armstrong, Mike Dirnt, and Tre Cool, appeared on stage at approximately 8:45 pm opening with a super-athletic American Idiot. From here through the last encore, Good Riddance, at around 10:45, every song was played as if it were their last of the night. For real. Not wanting for pyrotechnics and other effects, we continuously were impressed with the band's ability to further escalate the show.

Playing all the requirements, interspersed with a couple covers (The Isley Bros.' Shout and Queen's We Are The Champions) and some very cool improvisational skits, the band puts on a fantastic show. One cool bit involved bringing three members of the audience on stage to play the drums, the bass and lead guitar. Billie Joe did some minor vetting, but actually scavenged up three fans who could play some basic musical cords. The lead guitarist, a lad of thirteen, even scored Billie Joe's guitar. For keeps. This amateur gig was a fantastic prelude to a high energy version of Minority, the big hit from their Warning: CD of 2000.

Minority is archetypical of what Green Day has become. Although terribly overplayed on the radio, Minority is one of those songs that cuts through pop, punk, alternative and rock genres with slamming drums, deep bass, and witty vocals all in a small enough package to leave you wanting more. Performed live, late in the show, it leaves you almost desperate for more.

As the show ended, it dawned on us that this band has been putting out well received music since our college days (early/mid nineties). If it keeps up through another couple cycles of college students, we could be seeing the makings of a band that stands the test of time. Already Green Day has established their deftness when it comes to the pop charts. That, plus their lyrical genius all anchored in their hegemonic punk-rock thrashing, this band may be the next Rolling Stones. Let it be said here.

And the tickets were only $35. What a bargain.

The Pretty Girl says, "I told you so."

Prior Inconsistent Statements

2005-08-31T02:39:00.000-04:00

Nick "I Do Not Play Defense" Van Exel agreed to sign with San Antonio on Monday. We assume this temporarily mutes his whining about retirement.

After being traded to Golden State from Dallas in 2003, Van Exel threatened to not report. A year later, as Blazer, the same whining continued.

On December 22, 2004, after scoring 26 in a 104-95 victory over the not-venerable Milwaukee Bucks, the then Blazer said, "This will be my last season. So, I've got to try to make as many as I can. I'm done. It's a wrap."

"Just getting up every morning and my body is just always aching -- knees, back, hips. It just gets boring after a while," Van Exel told the press.

Wasn't Rafer Alston supposed to hang 'em up too?

Why The Phillies Might Actually Make The Playoffs

2005-08-28T23:46:00.000-04:00

We know that Philadelphs teams are not permitted to win World's Championships.

Has not happened since the 1983 Sixers. To this day that team makes us feel all special and really happy inside. Really happy. There exists this highlight video that plays Irene Cara's Flashdance anthemn What a Feeling, as the Sixers erased a huge lead in the fourth quarter to sweep Showtime! The team: Moses, Dr. J., Mo Cheeks, Andrew "The Boston Strangler" Toney, Bobby "Not The Golfer, The Defenseman" Jones, Clint "No. 4" Richardson, Marc "I Actually Played In The NBA And Started On That '83 Team" Iavaroni, The Bros. Johnson -- Clemon and Reggie, Franklin "Pony Shoes Wearing" Edwards, Mark "Rookie Year" McNamara, and Earl "Game Two" Cureton.

Heck, before last season's Super Bowl appearance, we started advising folks that the Philadelphia Eagles' Super Bowl is The Conference Semis. No need to win the NFC Championship. We got everything we needed by just advancing to the NFC Championship.

The Phillies. They are the least permitted team when it comes to the Playoffs. The Playoffs?! (said with Jim Mora, Sr. whine) Playoffs?! Ed Wade is possibly the worst GM in all of sports. 610-WIP (it really does not get any more reliable than that) says he is the longest tenured GM (other than the Devil Rays' Chuck LaMar) in MLB without a playoff appearance. The horror of Wade began in 1998. Eight terrible years. The Phightins have the fifth highest payroll in baseball. It goes Yankees, Red Sox, Mets, Angels and then the Phillies.

Anyway, our point. This year the Phillies have Kenny Lofton. He is always in the Playoffs. Every year. (At least in this century.)

2001 with the Cleveland Indians
2002 with the nearly world champion San Francisco Giants
2003 with the Steve Bartman Cursed Cubbies
2004 with the Yankees

Has The Logo Lost His Mojo?

2005-08-26T10:02:00.000-04:00

How to build an NBA contender: draft well, trade well, sign well.

How has Jerry West, the legendary player turned likeness of the NBA logo turned executive faired since his exile to Memphis?

Ho hum.

The Jerry West/Los Angeles Lakers years were fantastic years. Four rings, 1985, 1987, 1988, and 2000, eight NBA Finals appearances, Kareem, Magic, Worthy, Shaq, and Kobe. The question upon his departure from Los Angeles was, can he bring his mojo to Memphis? So far, the answer is: oh, we guess, no.

Having joined the Memphis Grizzlies on April 30, 2002, West is in his fourth off-season with the team. As Rod Thorn and Bryan Colangelo have shown, four years is more than enough time to make dramatic improvements. While the Grizzlies have certainly moved from lotteryland to the playoffs, they are not positioned to contend in the West.

We note at the outset, West has adroitly handled the coaching situation, bringing in Hall of Famer Hubie Brown for a 50 win break-out season in 2004, and transitioning smoothly into a Mike Fratello regime in 2005, following Hubie's departure.

But who's he drafted, who's he signed, and who's he traded for?

Let's review.

Who's He Drafted

Short answer. Other than Gooden, nobody. And since he promptly traded Gooden in his rookie season, the revised short answer is nobody.

2002: Drew Gooden, 4th pick; Robert Archibald, 32d.

2003: Via trade, Troy Bell, 16th; Dahntay Jones, 20th. Bell and Jones were obtained from Boston for the 13th and 27th picks, Marcus Banks and Kendrick Perkins.

2004: Sergei Lishouk, 49th pick.

2005: Hakim Warrick, 19th pick.

Who's He Signed.

Pau Gasol. Singed to a monster deal a season ago (that sounded like Kevin Harlan). Gasol gets 6 years and $86 million. Let's not bash Gasol. Great starter. Borderline All-Star. Worth $50 or $60 million, sure. Nearly $90. No way. That is Billy King money. Mark Bartelstein money.

Brian Cardinal. 6 years, $39 million. We liked Cardinal as a 12/13/14th man on the Wizards in 2003. He is Brian Scalabrine-like. You know, one of those guys who you can't believe is actually on an NBA roster, then you see him play, and he isn't that bad. He hustles, throws his weight around, hits a jumper. Not a starter. But a legitimate 7th or 8th man. Fine. But $39 million. Six years? This is Coo-Coo Bird time. Coo-Coo. The only legitimate explanation for this deal is Mark Bartelstein -- the man has skills. At some point, you have to presume he uses a magic potion and you leave it at that. He takes your money and makes you feel good about it.

Shane Battier. 6 years, $37 million. A bit more than Battier is worth. He is a solid piece for any team, a good guy, and a future President (of the United States, that is, recall the 2001 Final Four).

Mike Miller. 6 years, $48 million. $8 million a year for Miller is a bit on the expensive side. Miller is a starter. Never an All-Star. He is getting more mature (actually looked like puberty hit in 2005). The question is when you consider Gasol's contract, Battier's contract, Cardinal, all of sudden we are in a salary cap inflexibility zone. HoopsHype has Memphis nearing $70 million for 2006. The Sixth highest in the league.

Damon Stoudamire. 4 years, $17 million. Old Mighty Mouse. The key word being old. 10 years of playing guard in the NBA. How much value can Damon really add?

Key Trades

Imported Eddie Jones in the monster five team, 13 man deal. Essentially this deal boils down to White Chocolate (Jason Williams) and James Posey for Eddie Jones. As we have commented in this space previously, West is no fan of White Chocolate. So moving him was definitely on the radar. But taking on the remaining portion of Eddie Jones' ($30M) contract is really foolish. Jones is old. Like, he was teammates with Aaron McKie at Temple in the early 1990's. For a guard, that is really old. We understand dumping White Chocolate, but in a league full of Rob Babcocks, John Nashes, Billy Kings, Billy Knights, Elgin Baylors and Isiah Thomases there are always takers for starters. Always. As evidence we point to Eric Snow getting traded last offseason, one year into his multi-year bagillion dollar Billy King special. All starters are tradable.

Imported Bonzi Wells for Wesley Person (2004 season). On paper this makes sense. In real life, no way. Bonzi Wells is bad news. And this played out accordingly. Consequently, West moved Wells this offseason.

Imported Bobby Jackson for Wells. A break-even move. If Jackson is healthy, he will be a strong contributor. More importantly, he will not cause trouble.

Imported Mike Miller for Gooden and Gordon Giricek (2003 season). Miller is a good player. Gooden was West's 4th pick in the draft. The highest pick Memphis has had in the Jerry West era. Why give up on him so soon? And Giricek went on to have a decent year for Orlando and subsequently Utah, although he has suffered through some injuries.

Mr. Brightside: Mark Bartelstein

2005-08-25T10:07:00.000-04:00

When Sixers GM Billy King inexplicably unloaded nearly $20 million on back-up center Steven Hunter, who plays like eleven minutes a night, we were immediately drawn to the name Mark Bartelstein, Hunter's agent. Seems like his name is everywhere in the B-list market for NBA role players.

NBA superagent Mark Bartelstein and his Chicago-based, Priority Sports & Entertainment, are amassing a large roster of highly paid NBA role players.

He is everywhere. He is the NBA's Mr. Brightside.

Bartelstein has figured out the precise methodology for getting general managers to open their purse strings. Wide. Then he grabs all he can. We are talking about gihugic (our word) contracts.

Mind you he does not represent the A-list. He does not represent Shaq (Perry Rogers), Kevin Garnett (Andy Miller), Tim Duncan (Lon Babby), Allen Iverson (Leon Rose), Ray Allen (Babby), Tracy McGrady (Arn Tellem), Kobe Bryant (Rob Pelinka) or Lebron James (Rose). Rather his stable includes B-listers Antoine Walker, Bobby Simmons, Brian Grant, Darius Songalia, Jannero Pargo, and some C-listers such as Dan Dickau, Charlie Bell and Eddie House.

His amazing negotiating techniques have procured a six year, $41 million deal for Boston's back-up Center Mark Blount. Memphis' Brian Cardinal, not a starter, earns $39 million over six years, thanks to Bartelstein. Bobby Simmons will get $47 million, Brad Miller -- $68 million, and the impressive list goes on.

So we went to Google and typed in Bartelstein and million. This guy is amazing. Really, you start to wonder why any non-starter in the NBA would want to have any agent other than Bartelstein. Here's what we found.

Brian Grant. Phoenix. 2yrs/$4M from Phoenix plus the nearly $30M owed on his original contract by the Los Angeles Lakers. "We think Brian and the Suns are a very good fit," Bartelstein said.

Antoine Walker. Miami. 6yrs/$53M (this deal may get re-worked due to medical issues). Walker signed a six-year deal worth nearly $53 million with Boston as part of the deal's preliminary framework, and agent Mark Bartelstein said he appreciated the Celtics' willingness to help out their longtime forward. "Antoine is thrilled," Bartelstein said. "This was a grueling process trying to put a sign-and-trade together. This took a lot of time and work and energy from a lot of people."

Charlie Bell. Milwaukee. 2yrs/1.4M. "He'll be a great addition," said Bell's agent, Mark Bartelstein. "He can play both guard spots."

Damian Wilkins. Seattle. 5yrs/$15M. On signing an offer sheet with the T-Wolves, Bartelstein stated, "we think Minnesota is a great opportunity to come in a contribute right away." The Supersonics opted to match and Wilkins will remain in Seattle.

Steven Hunter. 5yrs/$16.5M. "He is a great athlete, and it's a great fit for what the 76ers do and the style they play," Bartelstein said.

Bobby Simmons. 5yrs/$47M. "This originally started out [as kiss how'd it end up like this, oh, sorry] as talks in case Michael [Redd] left, but as we talked more and more, it started to make sense for Bobby even if Michael stayed,'' Bartelstein said. ``So, we just kept talking and they had enough cap room. It worked out well for both.''

Last Summer:

Brad Miller. 7rs/$68M. “I said, Hold on. You have a $70 million contract here you have to sign and take a physical on, and I’m not real comfortable with you going on a fishing trip and ending up at the bottom of the lake or something. He just said he had to go, that this was the one trip he takes every year. What we wound up doing was having the Kings postpone the physical until he got back from the trip, and I had Brad’s friends assure me they would keep him tied down. He still had to stay until the next day to actually sign the contract with the Pacers, and he only did that when I promised to charter a plane for him to meet his friends. I think they got there 10 minutes before him.”

P.J. Brown. 4yrs/$34M. ``It was a tough decision, and obviously a number of teams pursued him. But he's been a big part of pro basketball coming back to New Orleans and that is something he takes very seriously,'' Brown's agent Mark Bartelstein said.

Trenton Hassell. 6yrs/$27M. "Obviously, they put a value on signing him," Bartelstein said. "We thought this would be a good situation either way."

Mark Blount. 6yrs/$41M. "I think Danny [Ainge] and Doc [Rivers] did a great job of convincing him that he would be part of great future in Boston," Bartelstein told Ford. "They stepped up to the plate offering their full mid-level exception and I think at the end of the day, Mark felt like they really wanted him the most."

Derek Fisher. 6yrs/$37M. "This is an opportunity for him to see what the market is," Fisher's agent, Mark Bartelstein, said by telephone from Chicago. "He's a heck of a player. You only have so many chances in your career to test the market and so many chances to be a free agent.

Brian Cardinal. 6yrs/$39M. "It came together quickly," Cardinal's Chicago-based agent, Mark Bartelstein said. "I'd say it all happened in the last day and a half. We came to an understanding . . . . Brian's excited [you think]. He'll fit in well with what Memphis is doing."

Devean George. 4yrs/$21M (Summer 2002). "He probably took a few years less than he could've gotten elsewhere," Bartelstein said in an ESPN.com story. "But this is where he wanted to be. The Lakers were his first choice."

Ron Artest. 6yrs/$42M (Nov 2002). "I never been around anyone who loves more basketball than he does," Bartelstein told ESPN.com. [Bartelstein no longer represents Artest . . . creative differences we presume.]

Important Brad Penny Update

2005-08-25T09:36:00.000-04:00

Being a person that knows things, Brad Penny knows
you can't drink a gallon of milk in one hour.

T-Lue, Spokesman

2005-08-24T10:20:00.000-04:00

"I think we started something and I told those young guys that I wanted to be around to help finish it." Tyronn Lue in re the Atlanta Hawks of 2005 and his desire to return for the 2006 season.

2005 Atlanta Hawks FLASHBACK: 13 Wins. 69 Losses. 4 road wins.

Ty Lue FLASHBACK: “We have a war to fight, too – the Washington Wizards are trying to make the playoffs.” March 2003 in the midst of the Iraq War and the hapless Wizards' plummeting playoff hopes.

Stupid D.C. Cop Shoots Weimaraner

2005-08-22T22:03:00.000-04:00

Responding to a false burglar alarm in D.C.'s tony Foxhall neighborhood (think Beverly Hills nice), D.C. officer Arvette D. Parry shot Palmer Graham's dog because it was barking. The officer feared "she was being attacked by the dog," said Parry's boss, Comdr. Robert Contee, to the Washington Post. Again, the dog was a Weimaraner.

Picture Credit: Craig Koshyk. The Weimaraner Club of the Washington D.C. Area

Statements Against Interest -- The Allan Houston Rule

2005-08-22T17:10:00.000-04:00

Last Monday, August 15, 2005 was an odd day for NBA general managers. It was Amnesty Day, or the deadline to take advantage of the Allan Houston Rule. (FN1)

Much like a celebrity agreeing to appear on The Surreal Life signals a career may be sputtering, utilizing the amnesty option is about as close as it gets to an admission by a general manager that they are, well, maybe a very bad GM.

We are reminded of the hearsay concepts, "Statements Against Interest" and "Admissions By Party Opponents." (FN2) In court, while hearsay is generally inadmissible, two of the many exceptions to the hearsay rule arise when the utterances are so unbelievably stupid, no person would admit to them if pressed under cross examination.

Using the Allan Houston Rule is tantamount to a team admitting that it is in the middle of a very messed up salary cap situation.

Anyway, since before the lockout of 1998, NBA GMs have made a habit of throwing stupid money at players. We are not talking about paying Shaq, or Duncan, or Garnett, or Iverson. We are talking about non-All-Stars getting stupid money.

Handing out stupid money continues today, with Joe Johnson, scooping up $70 million over five years, from the Atlanta Hawks, and Larry Hughes, earning a similar package from the evidently panicking/desperately-seeking-to-keep-Lebron James-In-2008 Cleveland Cavaliers. While both Hughes and Johnson are remarkably good starters, neither have made an All-Star team.

At bottom, The Allan Houston Rule is merely an admission by the teams that stupid is as stupid does.

The Allan Houston Rule, a feature of the new Collective Bargaining Agreement ("CBA"), affords teams the opportunity to reduce their luxury tax payments on one player's contract. Without delving into the annals of the CBA (Marc Stein occupies this important field) suffice it to say this Rule provides an out for teams dumb enough to be in luxury tax land.

We list below some of the stupid contracts that were dumped via the Allan Houston Rule. Source: Hoopshype.

Michael "At Least Mark Cuban Will No Longer Be Running After Me In The Parking Lot Yelling, No, Make That Whining, Fin . . . Fin" Finley. Signed through 2008, during which year he is scheduled to be paid, $18,593,750.

Brian "Actually Has An Unofficial Website" Grant. Signed through 2007, during which year he is scheduled to be paid, $15,570,625. Grant will be 35 at the end of the 2007 season. Yeah, Mitch Kupchak did not sign this deal, but he was stupid enough to take Grant's contract in exchange for Shaq.

Vin "Gout" Baker. Signed through 2006, when he will earn $15,750,000.

Derek "Loyalty" Anderson. Signed through 2007, when he is scheduled for $9,742,500. DA did not even start for Portland.

Howard "Averaged Nine Points One Time" Eisley. Signed through 2007 at which point he will draw $7,437,500.

Jerome "Knee Socks" Williams. Signed through 2008, when he is scheduled for $7,050,000.

Aaron "During 2002 Season, Actually Lived In Our Rittenhouse Square (Philadelphs) Neighborhood And Drove A Red Expedition And Black Porche, In Addition To Maintaining A Very Fat Assistant Who Used To Drink An Extraordinary Number Of Super Big Gulps" McKie. Signed through 2008, at which point he will draw $7M. Not bad for a not-starter.

Calvin "Penn State" Booth. Signed through 2006, when he is scheduled to make $6.8 million. Note: One time we saw two Penn State Centers square off. How odd. The year was 2000. The venue was the MCI Center. The teams were the Wizards (Booth) and Magic (John "I Like Children" Amaechi). We were in the process of wooing The Pretty Girl. It worked.

Eddie "Averaged 22 minutes one year (if only for 29 games)" Robinson. Signed through 2006, when he will earn $7,288,120.

Doug "Clear It With Jackie, Who Is Currently Following Our Team Bus" Christie. Signed through 2008 at which point he will take home $7,800,000.

Let's look at some stupid contracts that weren't dumped.

Allan "Can't Believe Isiah Is That Dumb, Wait A Second, Maybe I Can" Houston. Signed through 2007, when he will make $20,718,750. Almost $1 million more than Shaq.

Chris "Big Game" Webber. Signed with one knee through 2008, when he will make $22,312,500.

Jalen "My Website Plays Jesus Walks While You Surf" Rose. Signed through 2007, when he will make $16,901,500.

Grant "Ken Griffey, Jr." Hill. Signed through 2007, when he will make $16,901,500.

Antawn "I've Got More Heart Than My Brother-In-Law" Jamison. Signed through 2008, when he will make $16,360,095.

Zach "Cous Get Your Gun" Randolph. Signed through 2011, during which year he will make $17,333,333.

Shawn "Shoot My Jumpshot From My Belt" Marion. Signed through 2009, when he will make $17,180,000.

"Old" Eddie Jones. Signed through 2007, when he will make $15,680,000.

Tim "Tenth Man" Thomas. Signed through 2006, when he will make $13,975,000.

Carlos "Eff Gordon Gund" Boozer. Signed through 2010, when he will make $12,657,233.

Wally "VD" Szczerbiak. Signed through 2009, when he will make $13,000,00.

Raef LaFrentz. Signed through 2009, when he gets $12,722,500.

Erick Dampier. Signed through 2011, when he gets $12,250,000.

Jamal Crawford. On board till 2011 when he will make $10,150,000.

The Orthodontist. Adonal Foyle. Signed through at least 2009, when he will make $9,700,000.

Austin "Going Bald" Croshere. Signed through 2007, when he will make $9,560,000.

Mehmet "Write Me A Memo" Okur. Will be making $9M in 2010.

Jason "Not The Motorcyclist Nor The Shooter" Williams. White Chocolate. Signed through 2008, when he will make $8,937,500.

Kenny "K9, Get It, Very Crafty" Thomas. Signed through 2010, when he will make $8,553,125. When Billy King signed K9 to this nonsense, he foreshadowed as much by repeatedly announcing that the re-signing of Kenny Thomas is "my first priority." Nice going. No foolin'.

Ruben "I'm The Guy They Used To Call The Kobe Stopper" Patterson. Signed through 2007, when he will make $6,807,000.

Compare.

Shaq. $20M a year through 2010.

Ginobili. Maxes out at 10M in 2010.

Tony Parker. $8.4M in 2006.

Chauncey. $6,819,000 in 2008.

Ben Wallace. $6.5M in 2006.

Footnotes:

FN1. The fact that Isiah Thomas and the Knicks waived Jerome Williams, AND NOT ALLAN HOUSTON, is, in and of itself is merely a metaphor of the New York Knicks fortunes since Allan Houston signed his monster deal. (Other stupid Knicks deals have involved Marcus Camby, Shandon Anderson, Latrell Sprewell, Howard Eisley, Clarence Weatherspoon, among others.) According to HoopsHype, Houston is due to make $19,125,000 this season, second only to Shaq ($20M). Next year, the 2007 season that is, Houston will live his life with $20,718,750. Apparently, either James Dolan, the Knicks' owner, who reportedly refused to allow Thomas to dump Houston, or Houston conned the Knicks into buying into his retirement ruminations. If Houston retires, there are ways, albeit complicated, for pulling Houston off of the salary cap entirely. Such an outcome is quite complex, however, and difficult to process through the league office. Consequently, one wonders why Thomas did not Allan Houston Allan Houston. We suppose it is unwise to try to understand Isiah Thomas, who is making great strides toward achieving Scott Layden levels of GM-ness.

FN2. Rules 801(d)(2) and 804(b)(3) of the Federal Rules of Evidence ("FRE") dealing with the subject of hearsay. (Actually, Rule 801(d)(2), admission by a party-opponent is technically defined by the FRE as "not hearsay.") These are two of the hearsay exceptions. Hearsay is when an utterance made by someone not on the witness stand is offered as evidence. This is not allowed, for the most part. Hearsay is generally not admissible in court because of its unreliability, which stems from the fact that the person who made the statement is not around to be questioned about it under cross examination. There are, however, many exceptions to this rule. The exceptions come into play when a statement is obviously so reliable that its suspect nature is nullified. Two of these exceptions are the "statement against interest," Rule 804(b)(3), and an "admission by a party opponent," Rule 801(d)(2).

Please Do Not Refer To Me As

2005-08-22T00:05:00.000-04:00

Buddy, Chief, Hoss, Pal, Bro, Partner, Big Guy, Boss, Captain, or Slim.

Does Not Care For White Chocolate

2005-08-19T11:31:00.000-04:00

The NBA logo, Jerry West, appearing on ESPNews' The Hot List re Jason Williams, the former Memphis Grizzlie. White Chocolate that is. Not the guy who shoots defenseless Rottweilers and limo drivers. Also not the motorcyclist.

Jason Williams grew up in West Virginia. Not far from where I grew up. I like Jason Williams a lot as a person. He has a great sense of humor. (Not skipping a beat) Is there anything about Jason Williams as a basketball that I like? Not a thing.

Poor Poor Pitiful Willie Green

2005-08-19T10:03:00.000-04:00

Even the luckiest people on the planet, i.e., NBA players, suffer bad luck. Willie Green's schedule for August 2, 2005 had read, "sign six-year year, $20 million deal, attend press conference with Samuel Dalembert (six-years, $64M) and Kyle Korver (six years, $25M), and find out whether, in addition to Comcast's money, we also get free digital cable, high-speed internet access and any of the drugs Philadelphia 76ers GM Billy King evidently uses."

Instead Willie Green was in the James Andrews/Birmingham queue for knee surgery, having blown out his left knee, playing a pick-up game, in the interregnum between agreeing in principle to the deal, July 19th, and August 2, the date which, under the NBA's new collective bargaining agreement, players and teams are permitted to ink their deals. Couldn't Willie have just gone to Barbados on July 20th.

As the 41st pick in the 2003 NBA Draft, Willie Green was an improbable candidate for a six-year, $20M deal. For some perspective, nos. 39 and 40 that year were Slavo Vranes and Derrick Zimmerman. Other 41st picks have included the not-venerable David Young (2004) and Mario "The Big Kasun" Kasun (2002). Moreover, if you pull the NBA Draft results for the last several years, a cursory look reveals about 13 to 18 first rounders ultimately end up as solid contributors to an NBA franchise. The numbers drop off dramatically for those selected in the second round.

For a player to make it in the NBA over the long run he must possess three key ingredients: genetics, hard work and durability. The durability piece is often overlooked. When you play basketball at a high level for ten to fifteen years, things start to happen to your knees and other body parts. Consequently, by the time a player reaches the NBA it is quite common for their career to be suddenly hijacked by injury. Scarily, every NBA player is a lot closer to permanently ruining themselves than we would like to think about. Often these injuries occur during innocent pick-up games. As Matt Geiger, Jamal Mashburn, Grant Hill and Alan Houston, among a hundred or so of other NBA players, have learned, it is much better to permanently injure yourself on the other side of inking your mega million dollar deal. NBA contracts, unlike the NFL, are guaranteed. Injured or not, in the NBA you get paid.

Not much money for Willie. The results of Green's surgery reveal nothing good. In addition to a torn meniscus, Green also tore his ACL. The prognosis: out up to nine months. Which is May 2006. As his injury came before August 2d, the Sixers have no obligation to sign Green. They did not. The good news, if any, is that Green may still sign the Sixers $750,000 qualifying offer.

Please Be Advised

2005-08-18T10:40:00.000-04:00

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